


in vino veritas (yo Annette's wasted)

by readythefanons



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Drunken Stupidity, Drunkenness, Gen, Multi, Pack Cuddles, all the blue lions basically, cuddle puddle, rating for swears nobody even kisses in this one, they're not technically a pack but it fits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25759033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readythefanons/pseuds/readythefanons
Summary: “It’s okay,” Annette says. “Everyone likes Professor Byleth. It’s like… it’s a universal constant.”OR the Blue Lions get inadvisably drunk and dish on their mutual crushes on the professor
Relationships: Blue Lions Students & My Unit | Byleth, blue lions students & blue lions students
Comments: 12
Kudos: 55
Collections: FE3H Kink Meme





	in vino veritas (yo Annette's wasted)

**Author's Note:**

> For the kinkmeme prompter who wanted the "hot for teacher" fic where multiple students dish about their explicit and wildly divergent fantasies about their favorite professor and got... this instead  
> (https://3houseskinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/1608.html?thread=2353992#cmt2353992)

They are drunk. They are veeeeery drunk. Who’s drunk? Everyone! Hooray!

Ingrid burps like a horse breaking wind, looks comically surprised, and then falls over. Hooray! Serves her right for trying to be fancy and sit on furniture instead of the floor with the rest of them.

“Hooray!” Annette cheers. She feels _great._ So great. Everything is great right now.

“You… should probably slow down,” Sylvain says. Aw! Sylvain!

“Aw, Sylvain!” Annette says. She leans over to hug him, misjudges the distance, ends up in his lap. No big deal. “You love me!”

“Sure,” Sylvain says, and then he pats her on the head. Annette doesn’t like that. No thank you!

“Do that again and I’ll bite your hand off,” she tells Sylvain seriously. It just makes him smile and laugh at her, though, so she lunges up and licks the underside of his jaw. Her mouth is very wet, and also filled with invisibly tiny animals with no teeth and no bones, gross. It’s awesome. 

Sylvain squawks, pushes her off. Annette rolls and keeps rolling until she is almost but not quite in Felix’s lap.

“Did you know,” Annette says seriously, “That your mouth is filled with tiny, invisible animals? Your whole body is, and covered with them too, but they’re too small to see. _Toooo… smaaaall…_ ” 

“Okay, you’re cut off,” Felix says. “Water time.” Felix’s face is red, which is funny. He gets red when he’s drunk, as red as Sylvain’s hair. He gets up, goes somewhere. Annette’s not worried; he’ll come back.

“Felix likes you,” Ashe says in a decent approximation of a whisper. Annette isn’t sure, but she thinks it’s still pretty loud. “He definitely, definitely likes you.” Annette laughs at him. Ashe is so funny. He is also drunk, which is also funny.

“He should like me,” Annette says. “I’m likeable.”

“You’re very likeable,” Ashe agrees readily. “And Felix likes you the most.”

“Nope,” Annette says, popping the ‘p.’ “He likes the _professor._ But it’s okay.”

“Felix likes Professor Byleth?” Dimitri, Ingrid, and Sylvain demand in unison. It’s funny. Annette laughs. Ingrid and Dimitri sound horrified and Sylvain sounds delighted, but their words sync up almost perfectly.

“He liiiiikes her,” Annette sing-songs. “Fe-lix in the training room, with a smash and a crash and a boom! She dis-arms him—his heart goes voom! Riiight there in the training roo—”

“Saint Macuil’s teeth, what are you—stop that!” Felix says, and wow his face is even redder now. Annette starts to feel bad!

“It would be highly inappropriate for a professor to have relations with her students,” Dimitri says. He is red too, and it’s nooooot from the alcohol.

“Does that or does that not make it better?” Ashe asks from the floor next to Annette, in the manner of one posing a philosophical conundrum. Annette squeals, throws herself across him. He grunts as all the air is driven out of his stomach. Then he hugs her. It’s great. Annette loves hugs!

“I’m sorry, what—” Ingrid is saying, but it’s nothing to how Sylvain hoots and shouts, “Ashe! My man!” He ruffles Ashe’s hair, which makes him squirm. Felix is still there, standing up. All Annette can see are his boots. She rolls off Ashe’s legs and looks up at Felix. Noises are continuing to happen from Ashe and the others. 

“It’s okay,” Annette tells Felix. “Everyone likes Professor Byleth. It’s like… it’s a universal constant.” 

“ _Excuse_ me?” Felix sputters. 

“Please don’t dump water on me,” Annette says. She should not be having this conversation when she’s lying at Felix’s feet and he has a jug of water and a stack of cups! It’s tactically unsound. 

Felix goes redder and prickly-er for a second before deflating. Aw, Felix is such a kitty cat. He has a cat name and a cat personality, all wanting to be cuddled but _on his own terms_.

“I’m not going to dump water on you,” he grumps. “Sit up and drink this.” Aw! Annette doesn’t want to sit up though.

“Feline behavior makes a lot more sense when considered through the lens that they are predators who are the size of prey,” Annette says in lieu. Felix gives her an irritated-confused face. 

“Sit up,” he repeats. He sits next to her without spilling the water. Skills!

“Nope,” Annette says, popping the ‘p’ again. Sounds are so much fun. She pats him on the knee. “It’s okay, Felix. Everyone likes her.” 

“Annette! Hot for teacher!” Sylvain practically shouts. “What’s yours?”

“Excuse me?” Felix manages, while Annette bursts out laughing before managing, to squeak out a “What?” 

“Well for me, obviously, it’s her rockin’ tits, and her, like, calm and collected I-don’t-care-about-the-same-things-as-mere-humans thing, whereas Ashe is totally into the ice princess with a heart of gold idea, and _Ingrid—_ ”

“Um, have you _seen_ those leggings?” Annette demands. “Sweet, merciful Cethleann, her legs!”

“Could crush a watermelon,” Sylvain supplies. Ingrid sits up, hits him, then goes back down. She groans a little. “Ingrid agrees,” Sylvain says cheerily. Annette cheers. Hooray!

“And she’s older, right, so she’d be—you know, experienced?” Annette adds. Ingrid groans again—Annette is pretty sure that’s agreement—and Ashe squeaks, aw. Felix squawks, which is a tactical error! Sylvain looks at him.

“Felix?” Sylvain prompts.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Felix says. Aw, kitty. He’s _so_ red! 

“Dimitri! Dimitri! What’s yours?” Annette asks. She’s helping her friend! By throwing her other friend in front of an oncoming carriage. Drinking is fun! Maybe she should stop drinking.

“No,” Dimitri says. He’s as red as Felix.

“Please?” Ashe begs. Ashe is fun!

“No,” Dimitri repeats, but he looks torn about it.

“Inter-house bonding,” Mercedes says from where she is practically asleep with her head in Dimitri’s lap. It’s probably the only reason Dimitri hasn’t left. Mercedes is a team player. “Bond with us.” 

Oho, Mercie is A Good Girl, but Annette loves her the most when she’s _bad._ So bad. Bad at grammar.

“It’s ‘ _intra_ ,’” Annette whispers to Felix. She has to sit up to do this, but she manages by grabbing his arm and shoulder and more-or-less climbing up. He squinches up his face but doesn’t push her off even though, objectively, it should be easy. Aw, Felix. “Not ‘inter.’”

“Shut up and drink this,” Felix says, and pushes a cup of water into Annette’s hands. No fair. It tastes really good though. She drinks the whole thing. It tastes like _love_. Sylvain and Ashe are prattling about teamwork and bonding and it’s great.

“I…” Dimitri has trailed off. Mercedes is looking at him. Sylvain is looking at him. Everyone is looking at him! Except possibly Felix, who is not looking at anyone. Oh, and except for Dedue, who is leaning against the leg of a chair, looking slouchy. Dedue never looks slouchy, except for now. He’s been quiet, except for the hiccupy burps. There’s no bubbly drinks in Duscur—there’s no _anything_ in Duscur, except mass graves and palpable grief and stewing, aching, honestly-pretty-justified resentment that is going to cause _so many problems_ for them all, and—and maybe Annette should keep drinking. Or stop drinking. Ahem. Dedue never had carbonated drinks growing up so the bubbles in the beer are really throwing him off. He keeps burping.

Annette takes another sip of her drink, waits to see if Dimitri is going to tell them or chicken out. He hesitates some more.

“Is it the legs?” Annette demands. Felix tugs on one of her hair loopies. Rude! She ignores him. “Her boobs? Her nice hair?” Dimitri puts his face in his hands. Sylvain and Ashe laugh. Annette lunges, manages to bowl Dimitri over. She ends up half on top of his chest and half on top of Mercie, which is fine with her. “Tell us, tell us.”

Mercie hugs Annette. “Annie, be nice,” she chides. Annette squirms until she can hug Mercie back. Mercie is soft, it’s great. Her boobs are great. Dimitri sits up, which rolls them so they’re next to Ashe, but whatever. “I’m sure Dimitri admires her skill, or her way with people.”

“Competence kink,” Ashe says from wherever Ashe is. Sylvain guffaws, Ingrid and Felix squawk, Dimitri groans very quietly and very much like he’s being stabbed, and Dedue makes a noise like _hm._ Oho!

“Ashe, what’s a competence kink?” Annette says with all the sweetness she can muster. She feels Mercie shake with silent laughter. 

“Well, Annette, it’s when you’re attracted to a person’s technical skill or prowess,” Ashe says solemnly. 

“I did not know there was a term for that,” Dedue says. Annie pulls herself out of Mercedes’s hold, sits up to stare at Dedue. He looks… thoughtful. Right up until he hiccups.

“Did you want to know the term for that?” Ashe asks. Dedue looks at Dimitri (Dedue always looks at Dimitri), and Dimtri puts his hands over his face.

“She is very skilled with a blade,” Dimitri says, muffled. Annette and Mercedes ‘ _oooh_.’ “I admire it.”

“Dimitri is attracted to the professor’s ability to swing a sword around,” Sylvain says, nodding. 

“He’s like you, Felix,” Ingrid says. 

“Absolutely not,” Felix says, which is predictable. Less predictable is how, when Annette looks, his face is almost white. 

“Not quite,” Annette says, backing him up because Felix looks genuinely upset. Felix _looks_ at her, as if Annette as more than one brain cell left at this level of intoxication. Oh, boy. She shouldn’t have had that half a beer. Welp, here she goes. “Dimitri, which is more fun? Training with Professor Byleth yourself or watching other people with her?” 

“That’s—they’re both, um, that is, it’s the—”

“It’s watching her skill?” Ashe says.

“It’s watching her form?” Mercedes says. Dimitri’s blush has reached his ears. He waves in Ashe’s direction.

“Is it just as satisfying to watch someone else fight her as it is to fight her yourself?” Annette asks intently. Felix is giving her some kind of look now, but she’s staring at Dimitri and therefore cannot even attempt to decipher it. She’s just aware that his attention is on her. 

“Yes,” Dimitri mumbles.

“I understand. It’s satisfying to watch people be good at what they do,” Mercie says, and pats him clumsily on the knee. Ashe, Ingrid, and Dedue are nodding. Annette looks at Felix again, notices that Sylvain is looking at him too. Well, of course he is!

“Felix, what about you?” Sylvain asks. 

“You can learn a lot from watching other people’s bouts, but you learn the most going toe-to-toe yourself,” Felix says. Yyyyup. Dimitri likes watching Byleth kick everyone’s ass, but Felix likes how Byleth can kick _his_ ass. To Annette’s mind, it’s not that big a distinction, but it seems to matter inside Felix’s kitty brain. Whatever, he’s relaxing now, which is good. 

Dimitri seems to have survived his baptism by embarrassment as well. Mercedes goes back to lying with her head on Dimitri’s lap. She waves a hand lazily in Dedue’s general direction, which he interprets—correctly—to mean that he should come close enough for her to throw her legs over his. Dedue slumps in the general direction of Dimitri, who is slumping in the direction of Dedue. They meet in the middle, possibly without realizing they are. Aw. It makes Annette have Soft Feelings. Mercedes definitely has that side of the room under control.

Annette looks at her side of the room. She has Sylvain and Ingrid and Felix, which seems unfair. But she also has Ashe, so… okay! She makes eye contact with Ashe and tries to silently signal him that, if he takes Ingrid and Sylvain, she’ll take care of Felix. Felix interrupts by pushing a newly-refilled glass of water into Annette’s hands. Ugh!

“Thank you,” Annette’s dumb mouth says. She drinks the water. Felix grunts at her, pushes water on Ashe too.

“What about you, Mercedes?” Sylvain asks. “Do you like the professor?” Mercedes blushes prettily but meets his eyes levelly. Ooh, she has that steely glint that she keeps hidden normally, how interesting that Sylvain gets to see it. 

“She is very beautiful, and she is an excellent listener,” Mercedes says sweetly. “And I confess, I’d be interested to know if she’s that composed _all_ the time. It would be very interesting if she were not.” Oho, Mercie! She wants to take the professor apart with her mouth, and Annette can respect that. Ingrid has her face in her hands, and Sylvain is uncharacteristically flushed and looking at Mercedes with starry surprise in his eyes. Aw, Sylvain!

Annette goes for the rest of her drink, only to have it taken out of her hand and replaced with that damn water again. Grr! Felix!

“That’s like the opposite of Ingrid,” Sylvain says. In an extremely loud not-at-all-a-whisper, he explains, “She likes the professor’s air of effortless authority.” Ingrid punches Sylvain hard in the shoulder, hard enough to make him yelp. Uh-oh. Annette intercedes in the form of throwing herself bodily on the two of them. This surprises Ingrid into catching her and leaning away from Sylvain—probably to keep Annette out of his lecherous clutches or something. Whatever! She’s not afraid of Sylvain! She could take him apart no problem. At least Ingrid’s nice to cuddle, though. 

Meanwhile, Ashe says, “Relatable,” in a thoughtful tone of voice. It makes Ingrid look at him sharply before looking away. Ashe is staring at the ceiling. He might need some of that water Felix brought. 

“Felix! Water?” Annette says. He’s practically holding the cup up to her lips when she points at Ashe. He frowns out of habit but takes the cup to him, prodding him until he sits up to accept the offering. Good job, Felix.

“What about you, Dedue?” Ashe asks a corner of the ceiling. “Do you have any interest?” Felix looks at Ashe not looking at Dedue, then looks at Annette, then scowls at Sylvain. Annette wants the rest of that beer, but Ingrid’s really strong. 

“She is very beautiful and strong of limb,” Dedue says, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “Her company in the greenhouse is extremely restful, and she is very thorough in her work.” There is an expectant silence. Dedue is silent.

“But do you want to _bone_ her?” Sylvain asks. Annette throws her arms around Ingrid’s neck before Ingrid can swing at Sylvain. He’s tough, but Ingrid hits _hard._ Instead of hitting Sylvain, Ingrid is flustered in Annette’s general direction. That’s fine! She still wants that beer.

“She is… strong of limb and thorough and attentive in her work,” Dedue repeats, with heavy emphasis. He looks embarrassed, but not as embarrassed as Ashe and Dimitri. Aw! Sylvain is making noises of agreement and encouragement. Annette eels out of Ingrid’s hold and goes for her beer again.

Felix might have tried to stop her from getting her beer, but Ashe is providing Annette the cover she needs in the form of being practically on Felix’s lap. Felix has his I’m-fine-with-this-but-trying-to-look-grouchy face on, aw, kitty. Annette flops on Felix’s other side and slumps against him. She stretches a hand out to Mercedes, who reaches far enough to touch fingertips. Yay! Her feet juuuuust reach Sylvain’s lap too. Excellent. 

“Hey, how many people do you think we could fit on one of the couches in the library?” Annette asks. 

It is at this point that The Professor walks into the room. They all freeze, like a bunch of dumb, guilty morons. Dedue hiccups. 

“…”

“Heeeeey Professor,” Sylvain tries, waving at her.

“The library furniture was not made to sustain your combined weight. Please refrain from breaking monastery furniture.”

“Yes, Professor,” they chorus. 

“Thank you, class,” she says calmly. “See you all at weapons practice tomorrow… Or, rather, today, in approximately four hours.” She exits to the sounds of their groans.

**Author's Note:**

> THERE IS AN [ART](https://twitter.com/oneletterdiff/status/1299877740028469248?s=20). It is amazing, especially everyone's PJs. It is by [oneletterdiff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneletterdiff/pseuds/oneletterdiff), who is also _amazing_. OMG. 
> 
> PS if you're wondering if there are any, uh, implied side ships in this fic, the answer is yes. If you want to know which ones, the answer is all of them because I ship them all in one big cuddle puddle/fuck pile cuz that's how I roll
> 
> Comments are a delight!


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